48- What Mentorship Actually Looks Like

We have all heard how much mentorship matters, and that data backs it up. For example, according to the Harvard Business Review, mentees were promoted 5x more often than those without mentors, and mentors were promoted 6x more often than those who didn’t mentor.

Intuitively, we all know that women with mentors are more likely to advance in their careers and move into leadership roles and there are more studies about how advantageous it is to have a mentor than can be mentioned in this article. What doesn’t get talked about enough is how mentorship actually works in real life.

For me, it usually doesn’t start with a formal program. It starts with a conversation.

I met Molly in an unexpected way. She had a profile on care.com and I needed a babysitter. One day she mentioned she was studying mechanical engineering at Penn State, and I asked if she’d be interested in trying geotechnical engineering through an internship with our company. She said yes.

Later that summer, she showed up to a remote job site in Pennsylvania and worked long days in the heat and dirt without a single complaint. At the end of the summer, she asked if we could meet for breakfast where she told me something I respected; she appreciated the internship opportunity, but she didn’t love the work. She was not interested in pursuing geotechnical engineering, but she did want to stay in touch.

That’s the moment a lot of people miss. Mentorship doesn’t end when something isn’t a perfect fit. That’s where mentorship begins.

Over the next couple of years, we stayed connected. Every time she was home from school, we’d meet and talk about what she was working on in school and how her extracurricular activities were going. I introduced her to other CREWBaltimore members, and those introductions turned into internships. Her second internship was at a mechanical engineering firm, a position she earned after interviewing with a man she met at a CREW event. Her third internship was found through a different CREW member she had met at an event who worked for a mechanical contracting firm. Along the way, she applied for and received a CREW Network scholarship. As part of the scholarship award she was provided registration and a travel stipend to the national convention as well as a complimentary membership. Before convention we met and she asked me how she could make the most of her time at the event. I suggested she reach out to people ahead of time to request meetings. She did, and built even more relationships on her own within the CREW network.

By her senior year, Molly had done everything right. She had completed multiple internships, had a strong network, and most importantly, a great attitude. Yet, the job market was tight. She was having a hard time landing a job she was really excited about.

We met again and talked through where she had applied and where she hadn’t. I suggested a few additional companies, but more importantly, I showed her how to use CREWBiz. CREWBiz is an on-line members only platform and includes a discussion board where members can post and search for information. I encouraged her to post and ask others for help. We discussed how important it was to be clear; share that she was a CREW scholar, what type of role she was looking for, and where.

That one step made a difference. Within a week, she got a response from a CREW member in Northern Virginia and lined up an interview. Around the same time, she was also talking with a firm in Maryland.

Shortly thereafter, Molly asked to schedule an hour on my calendar to talk through her options. When the meeting time came, she was prepared. She had a well thought-out list of pros and cons. While going through her list it was clear that she had questions about culture and compensation, and was ready to have a real conversation.

Some of her concerns about the Northern Virginia company were around culture and salary, and a few didn’t fully add up to me. As it happened, the President of the Northern Virginia firm was someone I knew from college. So I called him- not to negotiate on her behalf, but to ask direct questions about the culture, expectations, and how they think about compensation. He openly discussed the concerns I relayed from Molly regarding corporate culture  and at the end of the conversation I asked if he would be open to a conversation with Molly regarding compensation.  He openly admitted he was not sure if the ability to move her entry level salary was there, but said he would be open to the conversation if she broached it with the firm.

I went back to Molly with that information, shared what I learned, and encouraged her to do her own research using salary surveys such as those put out by the American Society of Civil Engineers and cost of living data and make her case. We discussed how she could confidently present that information and she did exactly that. Ultimately, she felt comfortable with the company culture and accepted the job in Northern Virginia and successfully negotiated an additional $10,000 in salary.

Note that I didn’t negotiate for Molly. That’s an important part of this story. Advocacy doesn’t mean doing work for someone. It means helping them work through problems, get the information they need, and to build confidence so they can do it themselves.

That outcome didn’t happen because of one conversation. It happened because of her consistent effort, and the efforts of others around her. Her internship roles and her first job were offered to her because she was willing to ask, listen, and act.

What does this look like if you are trying to find a mentor that will truly impact your career? These are my Top 10 Tips:

1. Make the ask.
Opportunities don’t present themselves to people who stay quiet nearly as often as to people who ask for “the meeting”, say “yes” to introductions, and actively engage in in-person or online networking groups.

2. Stay in touch.
Successful mentorship doesn’t happen in one meeting. It builds over time. Check in on a regular basis and schedule meetings to develop a strong relationship over time to have a true impact on your career.

3. Be honest.
Like your favorite pair of work boots, it may take you a few tries to find the right fit. Not every experience leads you to the “right” mentor- and that’s okay! Knowing what you don’t want is often more than guessing what you want.

4. Do your homework.
Before every conversation, come prepared. For example, if it is the initial meeting with your mentor, look them up on LinkedIn and their company website. Do a google search to see if they have posted any blogs or been on a podcast, and consume all the material you can find about them. Once you are in an established relationship, come to each conversation with a list of questions  and specific topics you want to discuss.

5. Use your network.
It can be difficult to connect with the “right” mentor. At the same time, we all have a larger network than we realize.  Often, the most valuable mentoring connections come from people willing to make a call, share perspective, or help you see around corners.5. Use your network.
It can be difficult to connect with the “right” mentor. At the same time, we all have a larger network than we realize.  Often, the most valuable mentoring connections come from people willing to make a call, share perspective, or help you see around corners.

6. Be willing to ask for help, and take it.
Mentors can open doors, but you still have to walk through them.

7. Discuss with data.
When it comes time to ask for something from your mentor, especially when the conversation involves compensation discussions, come prepared with facts. When your “ask” is backed by data, the conversation becomes more focused and productive.

8. Follow through.
Mentorship that translates into career advancement happens when mentees don’t just schedule meetings, show up, and repeat the process. They follow through and take action based on the advice they’re given, then come back ready for the next conversation.

Mentorship doesn’t have to be formal to be meaningful. It’s about showing up, making connections, and being willing to invest in someone else, and in yourself.

And if you’re part of a network like CREW, you already have everything you need. The question is: are you using it?