21- Shy no more- 4 tips for successful business networking

Do you know someone who is extroverted? These are the people that make conversation look easy. Often, they walk into a room and can strike a conversation with anyone they choose and make friends easily. People like them and even seem to be drawn to them. What is it about these magnetic personalities that sets them apart from others?

It can be overwhelming for anyone to attend an event where everyone in the room as a stranger. If you are a young professional, you might have added stress if you are new to networking. As a child, I was often engaged in conversation and looked forward to meeting new people. Even at a young age, people would refer to me an extrovert, rather than an introvert. With how much I like talking to people, I thought business networking would come easy and naturally to me. However, when I attended my first trade group meeting I was met with the clammy hands, sweaty brow, and social butterflies that are often associated with introverts. Looking around the room, I noted that almost everyone was older than me, there were very few women, and the majority of people were already engaged in lively discussion. The desire to leave the meeting and never sign up for another one was quickly squashed when one of the other attendees approached me and introduced himself. When I saw his hand outstretched and a smile on his face, I knew I could do this. I spent the next few minutes introducing myself to various engineers and contractors and soon, four hours had passed and I had met over 30 new business contacts.

Building on that positive experience, I started attending more events and meeting more people. Eventually, I invited another young engineer I worked with to attend a meeting with me. I will never forget the look on his face or the conversation that ensued when he walked in and looked around. He turned to me and said, “Do you know anybody in this room?” When I told him I didn’t, he replied, “So, this is what you do? How do you do it?” Until that moment, I hadn’t thought about how I went about meeting new people at those events. However, as I explained it to him, I realized that the engineer in me had created several methodical ways to network in a room full of strangers. Use the four tips below to become an expert networker.

Mirror an expert

Networking can be learned through observation. Kelly Slater, a famous surfer, explained how he is able to learn from others- “I can learn things just by watching. I can feel those things in my body. I can feel the rotations—where you have to push, where you have to lift. I soak it in and learn by visual feel.”

You can learn to network the same way. Start by scanning the room for people that seems at ease talking to others and move fluidly from one conversation to another. Watch what they do. Pay attention to their body language. How long do they talk to one person? How do they leave one conversation and enter the next one? If they offer a business card to the other person, when do they do it and how? By spending 10 minutes watching an expert you can then mirror them by applying what you’ve seen to your own networking. For extra credit, try introducing yourself to the expert networker. Let them know you are new to this and ask if they have any tips. Most people in this position will be flattered and will go out of their way to introduce you to everyone they know in the room.

Remember, it’s about them- not you

Think about the time you saw someone take a “selfie,” a picture of themselves to share with others. The focus on oneself is so prevalent in today’s society that thousands of Selfie on a Sticks have been sold internationally.

Just like sharing pictures, people like to talk about themselves. Various studies have shown that people spend between 40 to 60 percent of conversation time talking about themselves. If you find yourself struggling to make conversation with someone, ask a question related to him or her. It helps to have several of these questions in your memory bank so that you can call one up when needed. These can be as simple as asking about someone’s family, or upcoming vacation plans, or more thought provoking. For example, at a recent event an attendee asked me, “If you could meet one person anytime in history: Who would it be? And why?” An interesting conversation ensued and everyone in the conversation learned a lot about each other in little time. You can make more friends in two months by becoming interested in other people than you can in two years by trying to get other people interested in you. – Dale Carnegie

For a list of questions you can ask new contacts click here.

Make it fun

If you like games and puzzles, you might turn networking into one. For example, one way is to set a goal. I want to meet one person who: is from the State of New York, is a certified SCUBA diver, has traveled to Mongolia, etc. Another idea: If you attend a meeting with a co-worker, you might try to compare how many scientists you met that night. The options are limitless. Keep in mind that you can’t be solely focused on the game of getting to know people, you need to be present and engaged with them in conversation in the moment. While is important to always be genuine and an active listener, the game is a simple tool you can use to mentally prepare yourself for meeting new people.

Practice

The first time I went skiing, I took lessons and learned how to ride the chair lift without falling and stop when I needed to. I had so much fun that I begged my parents to take me again the next year. When our then annual ski trip came around, I insisted that I didn’t need additional lessons and went up the slope. The next thing I remember is flying down the mountain unable to stop and running face first into an orange snow fence. I had forgotten how to stop.

Networking can be a lot like this experience. If you don’t practice and focus on your skills you forget them. Not practicing your networking skills isn’t as dangerous as forgetting how to stop when skiing downhill. However, it can be just as dramatic. Even if you are an extrovert, it can take a lot of effort to be a comfortable, competent networker, when entering a room full of strangers. You should keep your skills sharp and your network fresh by attending one event per month.

Networking is a skill that, once learned, can fast-track your career. It involves connecting with people to relationships that are mutually beneficial. If you aren’t networking because you don’t know how, or feel uncomfortable with people you haven’t met yet, try mirroring a networking expert or making networking fun by treating it like a game. An easy way to do this is to get people to talk about themselves by asking open-ended questions. Once you dive in, don’t forget to practice your skills to become a more effective networking and build you career success. Look for more networking tips in part 2: Tactical Networking.

What tips do you have for networking?