19- Your words have power, choose them wisely

Words have power. If you don’t believe me, consider the beginning of the following sentence: “Once upon a time…” Reading this sentence likely already set your brain in motion to hear a story that takes place in a fantasyland. Just as this sentence triggers a specific reaction from your brain, the words you use every day can trigger reactions from other people. As a future leader, you should commit to setting the standard for a positive tone by being careful with your words.

As you grow in a leadership role, you will find that people look to you for guidance and that your words are often more meaningful than those of non-leaders. Although two people may say exactly the same thing, and in the same language, people put more weight into what leaders say and are more likely to take those words personally.

The first lesson I learned about this topic was in seventh grade. I auditioned for an extra-curricular middle school singing group. The director accepted a handful of seventh graders each year and I dreamed of being part of the group with my girlfriends. We each auditioned individually on Friday and the results of the auditions were posted on the teacher’s door the following Monday. Upon reviewing the list, I found that very few of my friends had “made the cut” and many were excluded. Although I was one of the fortunate students invited to be part of this group, standing in front of the door with my best friend in tears, my initial reaction was to say very loudly, “I don’t even want to be part of this group, this isn’t fair, and it is a stupid group.” On a side note, as a twelve year-old, I had all kinds of ideas about what was and wasn’t “fair.” Most of which would turn out to be modified as the years went on. I remember regretting saying the proclamation as soon as I said it, but the damage was done. Just before lunch, the same teacher asked me to stay after class. She sat me down, explained that she had been in her classroom with the lights off (presumably so she could grade papers without all of us kids bothering her), and heard my statement. She went on to explain that her initial reaction was to walk out and strike my name off the list. However, upon reflection she “realized that (I) was a leader and she needed me to be on board with the decisions she made for the group to succeed.” She also explained to me the reason she didn’t accept every student that auditioned, including my friend. I apologized, assuring her I would do my best to be positive and speak highly of the group and its members.

This moment stuck with me for many years. I am still amazed and thankful for the respect she showed me and for the second chance she gave me. That moment was when I started to realize what it means to be a leader.

As a leader, you must choose your words wisely in every conversation, remain positive, and always speak highly of your team. Positive words are more likely to motivate others and lead to positive outcomes. Even if you are not in a formal leadership role, you can affect the success of other people. Think of yourself as the coxswain for a rowing team. When you say encouraging words, the team responds and rows together faster. In comparison, if you are negative or short with people, they will respond negatively in turn.To win the race, you must consistently provide positive feedback.

This does not mean that you need to “sugar coat” a situation. Rather, that you should choose your words carefully in order to filter any negative emotion attached to them. If you find yourself in a difficult conversation, stick to the facts and be as positive as you can. People will remember negative words far longer than positive ones. One negative conversation can change a working relationship forever, while a positive one can help build strong relationships.

Another reason to use positive words: Spoken words are more likely to come true. Just like writing down your goal will help you achieve it, verbalizing something positive will help it come to fruition. Similarly, if you tell a colleague something negative negative such as, “I don’t think you can do this,” you might sabotage their success as they start to believe your words. Every person may have something negative affecting their lives at any given moment. The key to being a good leader is to keep negativity in check and focus on the other person and a positive outcome. This can be a difficult task as it is not a natural reaction for more of us to be positive in the face of adversity. If you find yourself in in an emotionally charged conversation, try pausing to check what your intuition is telling you before saying something. If your intuition tells you not to say something, or to say it differently, pause the conversation to collect your thoughts and only respond when you can do so in a way that moves the conversation forward.

As a leader, you have a special privilege: your words are more meaningful than those of other people’s. However, this also means that you need to watch your words more carefully than others do. To be successful and drive the growth of others around you, cut careless and negative words from your vocabulary.

When did you realize your words had power?