7- Client Dinners 101
There is a reason that most cultures, past and present, have a phrase for “breaking bread”. Sharing a meal with a group of people helps build a communal bond and can be one of your strongest tools when it comes to forming, or furthering, relationships with clients. These experiences can be a positive factor in your career growth, or can be a significant hurdle- depending on how you handle yourself.
Have you been invited to an important client dinner but didn’t know what the etiquette was? Are you lucky enough to be tasked with setting up/organizing/planning the dinner? Apply the tips below to breeze through dinner and look like a pro at client relationships.
The venue: When deciding where you will dine, it is critical that you know your client. If your client (let’s call him Bob) is a vegetarian, he might be more impressed by a local farm-to-table restaurant than a fancy steakhouse. Similarly, if Client Bob loves steak you shouldn’t plan to talk business at Arby’s over a roast beef sandwich. If you don’t know your client well enough to know their preferences don’t be afraid to ask. Most of the time you will already have agreed upon a geographic location, if the client is local you might ask, “What is your favorite restaurant in the city?” If your client is from out of town you could ask, “What is your favorite type of cuisine?” Asking the right question will set the stage for a smooth dinner meeting.
The drinks: You will find if you adopt a common theme of Follow the Leader for the evening, dinner will be more fluid. For example, a sign of a seasoned dinner-goer is that they are aware of what others are ordering and can adjust accordingly. This is especially important when you are at a dinner meeting and people are ordering alcoholic drinks. When offered the wine menu, you may defer to either the most senior person at the table or your team’s (previously identified) sommelier. If you are a dinner guest, it is even more important that you follow the leader. If everyone at the table is ordering beer and wine, it is widely considered impolite to order a cocktail or hard liquor drink such as bourbon on the rocks or a martini.
When it comes to ordering more than one drink- again, I recommend that you follow the example set by the most senior person at the table. If you start ordering extra bottles of expensive wine, the client may follow your lead and you will end up with a much larger than expected bill. Lastly, the most important rule is to use moderation and maintain your composure. Ordering tequila shots might have been fine when you and your friends were in Cancun during spring break. However, it is not likely to convey a professional image and may put a damper on the dinner.
The appetizers: A great way to start a meal is to ask your server if there is an appetizer recommended for sharing. Any good server will be able to recommend one or two appetizers that they feel would be good for the table. If your boss typically does this- show them respect and let them order. If you are uncomfortable asking the server, or if you are not sure if you should order, ask the most senior person at the table what they think about ordering a few appetizers for the table. One advantage to ordering appetizers is that you benefit from extra time at the table to get to know Client Bob better. Think of appetizers as the small talk that sets the stage for dinner- when people will be more relaxed and ready to talk about business that is more important.
With all this talk of following the leader, does that mean you can’t order the calamari appetizer because no one else ordered an appetizer? Opinions on this will vary. However, as I love food, my opinion is- if you really want an appetizer, ask the table if anyone else would be interested. In most circumstances, your peers will oblige and you can order away. In the rare case that no one wants to share the appetizer with you, you can go ahead and order it – but be prepared to share with people who change their minds when they see it on the table.
The Meal: If you think that you might not be hungry for the main course after an appetizer, you might consider ordering a smaller dinner portion so that you don’t have a significant amount of food left on the table, or ask for the appetizer you wanted to be brought with your smaller meal.
Remember the evening’s theme of Follow the Leader when ordering your meal. Imagine how uncomfortable you will feel when the server delivers you a filet mignon and everyone else at the table has a cheeseburger. Two easy ways to avoid this unpleasant experience are to simply ask what everyone is thinking of ordering, or ask the server to discuss the menu and list their favorites. These two sets of questions will give you information as to what you should order, make for interesting conversation, and can help you break the ice.
The desert: When a group of people decide to get dessert after dinner, an odd question is often posed when ordering – Should you share your dessert? Imagine if someone you just met put a piece of apple pie between you with two forks. It might be a little too personal. The same goes for your fellow dinner companions. Unless you know the person you’re dining with very well, don’t try to share a dessert. If you can’t pass it up and other people are ordering, you can ask for a smaller portion- or ask that a desert be split prior to bringing it to the table. Another rule of thumb- if you are going to share- always ask for extra plates and don’t share off the same plate with people you don’t know well. Have you seen Lady and the Tramp? Do you remember the spaghetti scene? Sharing a plate is very personal and many people will not feel comfortable. Remember, just because you feel comfortable eating off the same plate as Client Bob doesn’t mean that he feels the same in return. If the group agrees to order several desserts, you might ask the server to place them in the middle of the table and each person can cut a piece they want and move it to their own plate. This is perhaps the most professional way to have your cake, and eat it too.
The bill: If you are taking clients out to eat, the expectation is likely already set that your team is going to pay for the meal. So what happens when the bill comes?
Ideally, your team has had the discussion and you know who will pull out their credit card once the black folio arrives. However, if it slipped your mind, you should follow the lead of the most senior person at the table. Although you might want to help, by eagerly grabbing the check you might be observed as disrespectful and dampen the evening’s previously positive tone. If you detect a moment of indecision and are not sure how to respond, take a drink from your water glass to give everyone else a moment to react.If, after several awkward minutes of silence, no one takes the bill- go ahead and get your wallet out.
Breaking bread with clients is a necessary skill you should learn early and continue to develop throughout your career. Following these tips will help you to carry yourself like a seasoned professional and form the solid client relationships that are indispensable to your success.
What was the biggest mistake you ever made at a client dinner and how would you handle it differently if you could go back in time?
