47- Listening to Life Stories
Egocentrism is a term psychology uses to say that we relate to others through our own backstory (family, faith, values, experiences, etc.) We view the actions of others through a lens of our experiences and tend not to consider the other person’s experiences. As part of the CREW Network Leadership Certificate Program’s workshop led by Emma Seppala, we spent time listening to each other’s life stories. We were split into groups of two and each person was provided 10 minutes to speak uninterrupted and share their autobiography. This type of exercise is meant to evoke empathy and hone active listening skills. Only when you take the time to actively engage with the other person’s life story by asking a lot of open-ended questions and then intentionally listening to their answers you can better understand how they “show up.” This enables you to have more genuine relationships with those around you and to better understand issues through their lens instead of your own.
One of the benefits of seeing issues through the lens of others is that you are better able to communicate. Specifically, participating in these intentionally deep conversations allows you to understand the other person’s verbal and non-verbal language. We already know that people are extremely responsive to hearing their own name and words, so adding the non-verbal communication component makes you an even better communicator.
Second, according to Galinksy, et al., by embracing a different perspective, you are likely to think more creatively and engage in more complex reasoning. Both skills allow you to grow personally as you will inherently start thinking more critically and with a broader knowledge base.
Third, you are able to build your cultural collateral. When you engage people with differing life experiences, you strengthen your understanding of diverse cultural backgrounds. With this deeper understanding, you are better positioned to challenge your own cultural biases which can have a ripple effect where others will follow your lead and the impact is a more harmonious and cohesive society.
In addition to these personal benefits, these skills provide numerous benefits for members of your team. For example, research has shown that when individuals work in their field of strength, they are more successful. By learning more about individuals, you are more likely to understand the person’s strengths and weaknesses. When you can learn what their strengths are, the next step is to help them to operate in their area of strength which benefits the individual and the overall team.
Second, when you immerse yourself in other people’s life stories you are a better leader and team member because you start from a foundational pool of different perspectives. Having different perspectives in your pool allows you to be open to more ideas, which is especially important when working in diverse teams.
Third, listening to other people’s life stories allows you to connect with them. The benefit of connection is twofold as it helps the other person to feel more valued and respected while also enabling you to lead with more empathy. Being an empathetic leader is not only a nice thing to do for others but is also crucial for success in the modern workplace. When team members feel that they are respected and can contribute to the team, they are happier and less likely to look for a new job.
Ultimately, being genuinely interested in others and asking people to tell you their life stories allows you to connect with individuals on a deeper level and drives positive change in your personal life and in your organization or team. I encourage you to solicit life stories from the people you have the opportunity to meet and engage with them to learn and grow and also to be open to sharing your life story as well.
What life story will you share with someone today?
©shanacarroll
