13- 3 Tips for Great Lunch Conversation

The questions “Why you should eat with your co-workers?”, “Who to eat with?”, and “Where to eat?” were answered in previous posts. Now, you may be wondering, “What should I talk about during the meal?” Eating with your colleagues is perhaps the best opportunity to build your relationships and give and provide feedback on a variety of work and non-work related issues. If you google “what not to talk about at work,” you will find more links than you have time to click that take you to posts about taboo topics such as politics and religion. However, I find it more productive to focus on what you should do, rather than what you shouldn’t.

You can talk about anything as long as you follow these three rules: be genuine, be positive, and be respectful.

1- Be Genuine

Fake it till you make it is a common catchphrase in today’s society. While this is excellent advice for certain situations, this is not a good strategy when talking to colleagues, especially during a meal. When someone shares the table and their time with you, be genuine in your interactions.

Consider the following exchange between Mary and Ryan:

Mary: “Do you have any plans for the weekend?”

Ryan: “Yes, actually, my wife and I are going our son’s first violin recital.”

Mary: “How are we going to make up lost time on the Franklin project?”
This above conversation is small talk, used to set up the meat of the dining conversation. However, when Mary didn’t engage and continue the conversation by acknowledging Ryan’s statement, she signaled to Ryan that she really doesn’t care about his weekend plans. Rather, she was trying to re-direct the conversation to meet her needs. Ryan, hearing her response, understandably becomes less interested in helping Mary solve the problem at hand, and lunch continues with a disingenuous undertone.

Don’t be like Mary! Only ask questions when you are interested in the other person’s answer. Everyone has a sixth sense when it comes to talking to people that fake interest in the discussion. You will build stronger relationships and have conversations that are more meaningful by being authentic and showing genuine interest in your coworker’s conversations. Pretense on your part is easily detected.

2- Be Positive

When I started discussing this blog post with one of my friends, she told me about one of their dinner table rules. Any topic is fair game until they sit down at the table. Once at the table, they must rephrase any negative comments in a positive manner before continuing the conversation.

What a great rule! This rule can easily be applied when you are dining in a business setting. Remember to keep the conversation positive regardless of the topic. A negative attitude can quickly derail a conversation and leave everyone at the table feeling dissatisfied with the meal.

Using simple rephrasing techniques, you can adjust the flow of almost any conversation. For example, if you just lost a large proposal, you might say something like “I’m so depressed we didn’t win that proposal,” to your co-workers. Now imagine you are on the receiving end of that statement. How does it make you feel? Likely, you are now a little down yourself and the meal continues with a pessimistic undertone. I’m not saying you shouldn’t address topics that are traditionally downers. Rather, when you talk about these issues you can adjust your words to move the conversation in a positive way. The same topic can be discussed by saying, “The client didn’t choose our proposal, let’s figure out why and how we can win the next one.”

When choosing whom to spend time with, people subconsciously seek out positive people. Why? People like to be around positive people! Studies have shown that when you engage a person with a positive attitude, you feel less stressed and have more energy.

3- Be an Active Listener

It doesn’t matter what the topic is. If you are not an active listener, the mealtime discussion will be disappointing for everyone. At some point in your schooling, you have already heard the phrase “active listening.” This is a skill you need to continuously practice to be successful in your career. Spend time listening to the other person when eating with your co-workers and be respectful. Just like your kindergarten classroom- when someone else is talking you should be quiet. Let the other person finish talking without interrupting them. When the other person is speaking you should be focused on them, not distracted thinking about what you want to say next. Signs of an active listener include eye contact and non-verbal cues such as head-nodding. Take the time to process what the other person is saying before offering a response. You will not only have a more enjoyable meal, but you will also strengthen your relationship.

By being genuine, bringing a positive attitude to mealtime discussions, and showing the other person respect by being an active listener, you will build a reputation for being a go-to person and someone people want to invite to lunch!

What are your tips for good lunch conversation?