12- Avoiding Check Chicken

In the last few posts, you learned 1) why it is so important to eat with your co-workers, 2) that it doesn’t matter where you eat, and 3) to be genuine in your discussions during the meal. This post will address the controversial topic of “who pays the check” if you do elect to go out to eat at a restaurant and not in the office.

When two cars race toward each other, the first to pull off is the “chicken.” Whether it was at lunch with a friend, on a first date, or dinner with extended family, we have all played “Check Chicken” and felt the anxiety that comes when the server places the bill on the table and everyone looks down while waiting for someone else to reach for their wallet. This can be a particularly uncomfortable situation when dining with co-workers.

When I was in eighth grade, my first boyfriend invited me to have dinner at a friend’s house before the homecoming dance. I was very excited, and to be “cool” we chose to eat Taco Bell at a friend’s house instead of going to a fancy restaurant like many of our friends. All of our parents were there to take pictures and drive us to the dance after dinner. I was having a great night and looking forward to pictures when a horribly embarrassing incident occurred. As we were walking out of the door, I overheard the other moms talking about what cheapskates my mom and I were for not paying for my share of the tacos. It was a simple misunderstanding. I was under the impression that my boyfriend was paying for my portion because we were on a date. However, as a 12-year old, I didn’t know what to do, and instead of addressing it I ignored it, didn’t ask if we should pay, and didn’t say “Thank you.” I was embarrassed the rest of the night and most of the next week at school.

The lesson I learned is – be clear about who is paying before going out to eat, even it is just Taco Bell, don’t be afraid to ask who is paying to avoid embarrassing situations, and always be gracious and say “Thank You.”

Use the tips below to avoid playing “Check Chicken”.

1) Extend a clear invitation.

Have the “who is paying” conversation when the invitation is extended. If you are the person inviting your colleague, a few simple phrases can help you set the tone prior to the lunch. For example, if you are inviting someone to have lunch but you don’t intend to pay for them, you might say, “I’m planning to go to lunch at Baja Fresh, do you want to go?” Whereas, if you plan to take someone to lunch and pay for them, for a birthday, to show appreciation for their teamwork, or simply to build your relationship with them, you might say “I’d like to take you to lunch. Are you free tomorrow?” The difference in phrasing the invitation is a subtle way to let the other person know what action to take when the check comes.

2) Don’t be afraid to ask.

If you are on the receiving end of an unclear invitation, the only way to be sure who is paying is to ask. In the USA a common colloquialism is “Going Dutch.” Although there are various explanations of where that phrase came from, it is understood that it means each person in the group is responsible for paying for his own meal. Asking the casual question, “Are we going Dutch?” before or during the meal will usually answer the who is paying question, and will enable you to respond appropriately and professionally before the check arrives.

3) Be gracious.

If someone else wins the game of “Check Chicken” and pays for your meal, I recommend that you respectfully offer to pay for the gratuity. This shows that you are thankful and are an active participant in the relationship and not simply there for the free food. The best way to do this is to simply get your wallet out and ask “May I leave the tip?” In some cases, the other person will insist on paying, whereas, at other times they will allow you to leave the tip. Both outcomes end with you showing the other person that you are grateful and appreciate the gesture.

More importantly, remember that eating with someone is a privilege. The person at the other end of the table invested their valuable time in eating with you. For most professionals, time is more valuable than money so, regardless of who paid the check, remember to thank the other person for dining with you. A quick “Thank you for going to lunch with me,” signals to the other person that you appreciate their time and conversation.

Professionally avoiding “Check Chicken” starts with a clear invitation, continues with not being afraid to ask the difficult question of “who is paying,” and ends with a gracious -Thank You.

What are your best tips for avoiding “Check Chicken”?